did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
