this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
