tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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