i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
