it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
