she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
