respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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