the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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