she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
