I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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