You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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