Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
