okay pat passed out under dana's car
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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