I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
