the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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