Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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