Me. At least after what I've been through.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
