Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
