If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How does one acquire holy water?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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