I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
