so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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