dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
