Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
