I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
