last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
home. puking in laundry basket.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
