so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
