I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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