I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
