This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
