she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
