There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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