Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
