you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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