Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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