I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
