Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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