Don't make out with my wife yet
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
