just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
