just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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