So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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