that's an acceptable place to lick
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
