the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
