I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
