i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
