the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
