ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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