oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
