i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
