New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
