He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I did not marry a roomba.
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