I didn't shave. On purpose
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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