Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
