I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
