Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
