First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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