my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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