Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Of course I have a pirate flag
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
