I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
