Only a mothe r could love this liver
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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