im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
