What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
