see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize