i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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