the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
