The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize