took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize